Repairing Storytelling Harm with Rachel D'Souza
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In This Episode
In today’s episode of When Bearing Witness, we step into a conversation that sits at the heart of trauma-informed storytelling: what happens when a story intended to inspire instead causes harm, and how we move toward repair. Storytelling is powerful, but it is never neutral. When nonprofits share personal experiences without care, consent, or curiosity, those choices can leave deep emotional and relational wounds. This episode honors the truth that repair is possible, but only when we slow down enough to acknowledge harm and choose a different path forward.
Joining me for this vulnerable and necessary conversation is Rachel D’Souza, the founder of Gladiator Consulting and a proud member of the Community-Centric Fundraising Global Council. Rachel’s work centers on radical collaboration, racial equity, social justice, and decolonization, and her advocacy is deeply informed by her own lived experience of having her story misused for fundraising.
We explore what accountability can look like, why harm repair matters, and how nonprofit storytellers can move toward practices rooted in dignity, agency, and healing.
About Rachel D'Souza
Rachel D'Souza, MPPA, MLS is the founder of Gladiator Consulting in St. Louis, MO, a boutique firm co-creating with nonprofits across the country. As a proud member of the Community-Centric Fundraising Global Council, Rachel works to guide and resource a global initiative to reimagine the nonprofit sector through a lens of radical collaboration, racial equity, social justice, and decolonization. In 2024, Rachel completed her coursework to earn her second Master's Degree at the Washington University School of Law. With this additional training in negotiation, mediation, and cross-cultural conflict resolution, Rachel is eager to shift organizational culture and interpersonal relationships in the direction of healing, collaboration, and systems change.
Connect with Rachel D'Souza
Gladiatorrds Website | LinkedIn
Connect with Maria
Speaking & Training | LinkedIn | Email
Transcripts
Maria Bryan:
In the nonprofit world, stories are often told to inspire generosity and spark change. But when those stories are shared without care or accountability, they can leave real harm in their wake. In this episode, we explore what happens when a story meant to uplift instead causes deep pain, and what it looks like to move toward repair.
I am so honored and excited to be joined by Rachel D'Souza, founder of Gladiator Consulting and a proud member of the Community Centric Fundraising Global Council. Rachel works to guide and resource initiatives that reimagine the nonprofit sector through a lens of radical collaboration, racial equity, social justice, and decolonization.
This is a conversation about accountability, courage, and the possibility of repair when harm happens through storytelling. Rachel, welcome to When Bearing Witness.
Rachel D'Souza:
Hi. I'm so happy to be here with you.
Maria Bryan:
This is not our first conversation. We've chatted before, and in us sharing about our work, you told me a very personal story about when your experience was used by a nonprofit in a way that was traumatic. It was incredibly painful for you. As much as you're comfortable sharing today, can you walk us through what happened?
Rachel D'Souza:
Yeah. And I will say I'm really grateful for the opportunity to share this story. I think often when I have the opportunity to speak, it's about community centric fundraising and other aspects of our nonprofit sector, but a lot of people don't know why this work is important to me. It is not just because I think it's interesting. It is because I have a deeply personal experience that has informed how I engage with organizations, with individuals, and with their communities.
I was getting ready to welcome my son, who was born on April 5. Eight days after he was born, I suffered and survived a massive heart attack at the age of 28. I was in the ICU for three days. What I experienced is called a spontaneous coronary artery dissection. My heart tore, and a blood clot formed that blocked blood flow to the bottom of my heart, which caused a heart attack that I experienced for about six and a half hours. I was finally treated in the hospital.
Much time has passed since then, but now we know that this type of heart attack is the number one killer of women under 50 who experience heart attacks. That is wild. But back in 2011, we did not know much about it.
I left the hospital to go home to be a mom to my less than two week old baby boy, and to figure out how to live in the world as a heart attack survivor.
About six months later, I read an article in our local newspaper about another woman who had experienced something similar after the birth of her own child. Through her, I was connected to our local American Heart Association affiliate, who listened to my story with empathy and interest. They wanted to figure out how to use what had happened to me to educate people, to let them know what to do in emergency situations, and ultimately to organize and raise money so that more people could live healthier lives.
After being able to share that story, I was invited to highlight what had happened to me at their annual gala.
At that point I was 29. I had an almost one year old. I was in the nonprofit sector, a newer fundraiser, and suddenly sitting on the other side of the table. It was exciting and scary, but I really wanted to make a difference for somebody else. I should have called 911. I didn't. I drove myself to the hospital, which is not something you should do. I had to advocate for myself because 28 year old women are not the first people you think of when you think of someone who might be having a heart attack.
There were so many reasons why I thought my story might help someone else.
My partner at the time agreed to be part of the video. The camera crew came to our home and interviewed us. My son had a good nap that day and cheesed it up for the camera.
The day of the gala came. I was nervous because I was going to make remarks after the video was shown. I finally got to see the video that had been shot. The way it was edited centered my husband's experience of my heart attack, and the video ended with the impression that I had passed away.
I came to understand that there was going to be this dramatic reveal that night, and the audience of five or six hundred people would see this video thinking that I had passed away. My husband and my son came out on stage to speak, and I was behind the curtain. I could hear people in the audience crying. I cannot explain the feeling I felt in my body, but it was not good.
Then I had to go up on stage and share gratitude, hope, and positive feelings. The program went straight into a fund a need. Smokey Robinson was the live entertainment. The organization raised almost a million dollars.
I knew that night that what had happened did not feel good. I tried to talk myself out of those feelings. I told myself I had done a good thing. But over the next 10 to 15 years of being in this sector, seeing the way stories are used, I realized that my story had been manipulated in a way that was not authentic to who I am or what I wanted. It allowed the nonprofit to make a lot of money, which I am glad for, but at what expense?
Maria Bryan:
You say that they probably didn't understand the fallout. What was the fallout? What was the aftermath? As much as you feel comfortable sharing, what did that do to your body? What was the processing like?
Rachel D'Souza:
One of the things that immediately comes to mind is that after that night, so many people communicated to me how lucky I was, how brilliant I sounded, how generous I was with my story. They thanked me for sharing examples of resilience.
At the end of the day, I am a person who almost died days after my son was born. I did everything I was instructed to do, and bad things still happened. This could easily be a world in which my son grew up without a parent.
That level of trauma is not something I understood immediately. I also found myself wanting to say to people, this isn't lucky. It is not lucky that I survived a heart attack. It is not lucky that I had to go to cardiac rehab. It is not lucky that I wake up every day thinking about death. It is not lucky that I wonder if I will see my kid go to kindergarten or graduate from school or get their first job.
My story might have had a good outcome on paper that made it easy to organize resources, but it has been fourteen and a half years and I am still scared.
That pain does not go away just because the public thinks you had a happy ending.
Maria Bryan:
When I think about your story, to survive something like that and then go to an event where it feels like you are watching your own funeral, I cannot imagine. I picture you behind the curtain hearing people crying, and then having to walk out and speak.
Organizations do that story arc all the time, especially at galas, where they take people to the emotional low point and keep them there before the reveal. And often they raise money in that pain point.
You came across as brave and poignant, and this is what women do. But the emotional hangover, not just from the medical emergency, but from that gala, must have been painful.
I just want to validate how incredibly painful that must have been.
Rachel D'Souza:
Yeah. I keep thinking or waiting for the idea that you can outrun or outgrow grief. What a joke. Grief is a lifelong experience that you're never going to nail 100 percent.
As a strategy person, I can understand the idea of thinking about the identities in the room. If the donor room looks a certain way, represents a specific kind of identity, I understand the impulse to highlight my white male partner. Absolutely.
If there had been a conversation, if there had been curiosity, I think it wouldn't have felt so stinging. I have also experienced my story told differently to different audiences in ways that felt more aligned.
Part of the question I put in front of nonprofits and comms folks is: How are you being curious about the story you have the honor to tell? How do you honor someone who is choosing to share what might be the worst day of their life with you?
Also, nonprofits need boundaries. You are not entitled to everything someone gives you. There are things we can do with stories, but that does not mean we should do them, even if we raise more money.
Otherwise, fifteen years later, you will have someone weeping in the world remembering how painful it was to be in relationship with your organization.
Maria Bryan:
I often say that when you share someone's story as a nonprofit fundraiser or marketer, it is a moment for you, even if it is a big moment. But it becomes a legacy for the story owner. It will always be part of them.
Something else I am hearing is the power imbalance. The idea of saying, we let her see the movie, but only twenty four to forty eight hours before. I imagine you said it was fine, because at that point everything was already in motion.
This is why consent is different than saying, we let them preview it. Real consent would have been: we have this film and this idea, and we want to ask what you think before we move forward.
Rachel D'Souza:
Yes. And in other roles I have been the perpetrator of that behavior. I remember interviewing clients for newsletters and thinking we would send them a copy when it came out, but not including them in the proofreading or editing process. As a baby fundraiser, I did those things. Looking back, I think, what were you thinking?
I think in the sector we are committed to narratives of urgency and one right way, and we do not give ourselves time to be curious. We don't consider that maybe the process does not fit the story.
Maria Bryan:
So the heart of what I want to talk about is harm repair. Because we have all done these things early in our careers. And I really do not think they did this with malice, even though it caused harm. When you reflect on that experience, what kind of harm repair or restoration would have felt meaningful?
Rachel D'Souza:
Any time someone validates what you're feeling and takes responsibility for their part, that is powerful. I am not even sure I have wanted an apology. I agreed to this. I chose this. But I do think having a conversation with recognition that harm was caused, and hearing how they would choose to do things differently, would have gone a long way.
I have also experienced organizations who do this well. They share stories differently. They honor dignity. They raise money without victimizing people.
It is possible, and the most meaningful repair would be people adopting those behaviors.
Maria Bryan:
I don't know if I told you this. Last year, American Heart Association reached out to me and I trained every single AHA marketer on trauma informed storytelling.
Rachel D'Souza:
Oh my gosh. That is amazing. I hope they hung on every word.
Maria Bryan:
It was a two hour intensive. Every marketer from across the country did this training, and at least one person has gone through the When Bearing Witness program.
Rachel D'Souza:
I appreciate hearing that. This isn't about a bad person or bad organization. We have been trained in this sector. There is a culture of how we do this. I love hearing when national organizations are sharing baseline training, because then there is a community of people with the same resources and accountability to each other.
Maria Bryan:
I would love to hear if you feel comfortable sharing about the organization that also told your story.
Rachel D'Souza:
The SCAD Research Foundation. SCAD stands for spontaneous coronary artery dissection.
Maria Bryan:
Would you feel comfortable sharing how that experience was different?
Rachel D'Souza:
Yes. The organization was founded by the husband of someone who passed away from the same kind of heart attack. He realized there were not many resources going toward researching this disease, or heart disease in women in general. Women represent less than 20 percent of cardiovascular research.
He created a network of 5Ks across the country, and those resources fund research at the Mayo Clinic.
What they did well was giving many different women the opportunity to share as much or as little of their story as they wanted throughout the fundraising day. As a survivor, I could decide what I wanted to say. I could choose how to support other women sharing their stories.
We were there to be in community with each other. If money was raised, wonderful. It is a very different way of fundraising. It was powerful.
I have not been to one in years, but I support them. They do not have to ask me. They do not have to solicit me. They do not have to send an appeal. I support them every year.
Maria Bryan:
I keep going back to what you said at the top. So many story owners say, this is painful, but if it helps one person. People tell their stories because they want to help their community.
You gave an example where that worked, where years later you are still a committed donor. That cultivation of a story owner created a long term relationship.
Yes, we can raise a million dollars in one night from a manipulative story. But what happens when we do things differently in the long run? Values based storytelling can support your fundraising efforts.
Rachel D'Souza:
Yes. And we have been hamstrung by fiscal years and grant timelines, but our work transcends those structures. When you are honest and can tell meaningful stories without victimizing people, and celebrate wins, you can forge midterm and long term partnerships.
You make your organization sustainable in ways a single annual gift cannot.
The SCAD Research Foundation is not successful because of one event. They built a network of families and survivors who support the work year after year. Rare disease work does not attract big donors, but they have a grassroots network they can count on.
That is powerful. And it is important for mission driven work, but also vision driven work. How can we talk about vision if we cannot even figure out how to make it through one fundraising year?
We become responsible stewards when we think beyond that one event or one check.
Maria Bryan:
A lot of this wisdom sounds like what you do at Gladiator Consulting. Tell us more about Gladiator and how your work helps organizations move toward equitable and healing centered practices.
Rachel D'Souza:
We celebrated our 10th anniversary. Thank you. It has been a wild journey.
We started doing community asset based framing and anti racist resource development. How do we organize money for causes without perpetuating harm, without victimizing people, without upholding structures that cause harm?
That is uphill work because culture eats strategy for breakfast, and the sector has functioned in certain ways for a long time. But we have been able to work with organizations across St. Louis and the country who understand that if we want sustainable organizations, we have to organize our resources differently, including where they come from and what we say no to.
We expanded into strategy and planning, organizational culture and development, and into restorative mediation and conflict resolution.
How do we make good decisions, even hard decisions, in a way that advances what needs to happen?
My goal is to take a fractal approach, inspired by adrienne maree brown. What I do on a small scale can replicate and grow to shift the bigger picture.
Maria Bryan:
I am here for it, and I believe it will happen.
Rachel D'Souza:
Fingers crossed. Maybe not in my lifetime, but I am planting the seeds.
Maria Bryan:
That is all we can do, and I will water them in my corner of the world. How can listeners connect and work with you?
Rachel D'Souza:
Go to our website. We have a brilliant monthly newsletter. Follow Gladiator on LinkedIn and Instagram. You are also welcome to follow me on Instagram, but you will mostly see my children playing sports and all the soup I'm making now that it's cold. Gladiator's content will be more nonprofit-focused.
Maria Bryan:
Rachel, you are a gift. Your story is a gift. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Rachel D'Souza:
Thank you for having me. I hope it changes the way at least one person thinks about doing this really important work.
Maria Bryan:
I believe it will.